At least make sure they are 18
Why
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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