Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
