I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
