pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
