i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
