just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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