hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
