The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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