I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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