I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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