i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
