Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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