Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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