Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
