believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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