I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So much rum. So many feels.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
