Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
