I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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