I accidentally had phone sex last night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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