god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
