the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
