We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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