can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
