Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
