apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
