You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
