who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
