If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
