Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
