im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
