dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
