So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
