I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
