I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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