i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
