Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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