So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
