Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
