I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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