While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
