Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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