All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
