Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
