I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
