sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
