You can't special order awesome
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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