Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
