I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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