Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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