I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Holy sore nipples Batman
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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