its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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