you have to choose: penises or morals?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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