so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So here I am, sexting at work.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
